Leaking roof and the Glory of God

I have to admit that I have way too much to be doing right now but I wanted to take a few minutes and write some of my thoughts.

I am not sure what lesson plan God has me on now that I have submitted to him in everything but it sure has been interesting. Christmas Eve I wake up at 6:30, head down stairs to get the day going. I had hoped to work for a few hours and then come home and enjoy the afternoon with my family...notice I said "hoped". I heard a "drip..drop, drip..drop" somewhere in the quite, dark house. I followed the noise and looked up to see water coming through the ceiling tiles onto the dinning room floor. As I felt all of the emotions start to come to surface (how much is this going to cost!, what a great way to start the day!, etc, etc) I actually felt God's peace. I smiled and said..."well what are you going to do?" I then proceeded to shovel snow off the roof and patch up the area with roof sealing. I am still working on the ceiling but it looks presentable enough and I had planned to replace the tile ceiling this spring anyways...

I had coffee with Pastor Jeff a few days ago and we talked about living a life like this... I think 2 weeks ago I would have been in the hospital with a heart attack if our ceiling was leaking. Now my thought was, "how can God be glorifed in this?". Even today...I had a few setbacks this morning. Again, I had hoped to spend some time in my office this morning but things happened. How can God be glorifed in all of this? Can I live that way everyday?? Imagine if we all did? There would be nothing that we would go through that would get us down or cause us to worry. maybe that is the kind of life Jesus was talking about? Living a life of glory to God and not myself. If I am not living for myself why do I care if things are not going my way or if things are uncomfortable for me? God loves me more than I can ever understand..he will not let things happen to me that I cannot handle by his grace. I want to live this way...

holidays

I am in the middle of doing a few things in my office getting ready for a busy day tomorrow and Friday when I had a thought. Not sure why I was thinking about this in the mist of e-mails, filing, scheduling and phone calls but I thought...are the holidays fun anymore?

I remember a time when the holidays really brought a sense a peace, hope and joy. It seemed like everything was ok in the world for a few days. Now we hear things like "...sure is tough this time of the year with the economy." or "...must be hard this time of the year because he lost a love one." or as I always say in my business "...no one wants to make any decisions this time of the year. Holidays are always tough.". If holidays are so tough...why do we celebrate them? This sounds so clique but maybe we have forgotten why we have the holiday. ?

This year I want to pledge to take the time to really wrap my head and heart around the fact that God came to earth as a baby. There are many thousands of pages that can and have been written about that last sentence. The God who holds all of the universe in his hands came to earth as a helpless little baby. Wow... I actually thought about that for one second and it almost knocked me out of my cushy office chair. What can God do if I really spent some time thinking about that?

hope

I took a few minutes today before I left for lunch to finish up a few things. I figured while I was doing that I would put my headset on and listen to some Hillsong. Well, I got as far as the first minute of the song I was listening to and the tears started to fall and I started worshipping God.

Today has been a good day so far. What I have realized is that in the mist of my complaining, whinning and thinking all is hopeless...God was working. he has taken some of my feeble attempts here in my office and has opened some doors to some potential future business. He has also been working in my heart and life. I reached some pretty low points in the last few weeks. I had to make some hard decisions about some things. But today, as I had a few minutes of unplanned worship I felt hope. Not that everything is going to be picket fences and rose gardens but hope that God has not forgotten me. Hope that maybe I could start being more concerned about God's name than I am about mine. Hope that God could provide the strength to stand up in the mist of tough trials and sing out praises to him! Hope that God has a plan for the church, that he has a plan for me, that he has a plan for my family, that he has a plan for his people to come and return to him!! If my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face. Then will I hear from heaven and will heal their land. We need healing in so many ways...let it begin with us Lord!!! Fill our hearts with hope and compassion for this world God!!!

Hope....

amazing

I was reading a letter I received from John Piper's ministry Desiring God. He started off the letter by quoting this verse:

"Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me." (Phil 4:11-13)

I have read this verse probably a thousand times but today it really jumped out at me. "...for I have learned in WHATEVER situation I am to be content." Can I live that way??

being comfortable

Well, I have "reached the end of myself" so to speak. Now that I have hit this point I am starting to take a look at the man I have become. As I try to get to the root of some of my whinning and complaining I am realizing that most of it stems from the fact that I like to be comfortable. It almost sounds funny to say that because don't we all like to be comfortable? I believe there is nothing wrong with comfort but when you are trying to grow being comfortable is not the way.

I remember back a few years ago when I made the commitment to be up at 5 AM so I could head to work early and go to the gym by my old office in Amherst. I used to be at the gym around 5:45 AM, do a full workout, take a shower and head to work. I can honestly say I was never comfortable doing this but the results were clear. I was in the best shape of my life, I had more energy, the hard work ethic carried itself to my job and I became successful at what I was doing.

So I compare that example to what I am doing now and I realize that I prefer being comfortable. Get a few extra minutes of sleep instead of getting up early to work out or spend time with God. Not doing the "uncomfortable" things at my job that I need to do to make this office successful. Spending more time complaining and whinning over things instead of taking the time to come before God and seeking him, growing in him and through this situation.

The image came to mind this morning of someone sitting on a nice soft comfortable couch, feet up on pillows watching a movie, and eating potato chips. This same person does this all day and all night. Meanwhile they wonder why they are gaining weight and never have any energy. Sure they are comfortable but they are not growing in the right ways. I want to grow..spiritually, phyically and careerwise. I will not grow if I prefer to be comfortable all day instead of doing the things that are not comfortable.

This stage in my life has brought me face to face with a part of me that I did not realize. My prayer is that God will help me be "comfortable" being uncomfortable. That I would choose the right thing to do whether it is something I want to do or not. (i.e. getting up 30 minutes early to spend time in the word. Or making the tough prospecting calls at my job that are not easy but produce the most fruit.).

Lord, let the comfortable, soft, lazy, whinny part of me die today. Not that I don't want moments of relaxing but I want to grow. I want you to change me into the man that you want me to be...as your son, as a husband, as a father, as a businessman, as a leader in the church and wherever you lead...Lord make me yours...I want to love you with all of my heart! Amen!!!!!

need strength

There are million other things I can be doing right now but I figured I would try to write a few things and get them out of mind so I can move on with my day.

I feel like I am in quite a battle right now. I am getting over a bad cold I caught the other day so I am phyically drained. I am working on some financial issues that are getting cleared up so I am mentally drained and I am still trying to get this new office started and bring in new business in the mist of all that is going on. Which God is blessing but it is not an easy task!

I came across this quote today in the "Enjoy the Silence" book. "Too many if us panic in the dark. We don't understand that it's a holy dark and the idea is to surrender to it and journey through to real light" p.56 That is me right now...I am panicing. I wish I could just say "amen, amen" and just move on. But I can't... I am overwhelmed with more thoughts, frustrations, depression, etc than I have EVER faced in my life. Why can't I just trust God and let go? Why am I panicing in the dark?

My family needs me to be strong right now and work through this to give them a great future. But I don't feel very strong right now...all I want to do is fall down and cry. This is honestly a new experience for me and I don't know how to handle it.

What a difference a day makes!

Wow, I feel like my old self again today. God's grace is so wonderful and I am realizing that my up and down feelings do not change who God is and what he has promised. For some reason yesterday Kayla started singing "Oh no you never let go through the calm and through the storm. " that was actually a song we sang at VBS this last summer. Lorri and I looked at each other and said wow what an appropriate song! :)

I definitely know that God has me in the right company. Yesterday..I guess as a confirmation I received word that one of the customers I was going after may start using us. This could be a huge customer for me and my office. Plus it will provide a lot of commission for me each month! nothing is in stone yet but it looks promising. Plus I had several great contacts yesterday and some more things are moving forward. Plus I may have a partner in a few months working with me in this office. A friend of mine has agreed that he wants to join up in a few months and work with me to grow this office. So there are a lot of exciting things coming up and once these start rolling I will not have the financial worries that I have now.

So now I just need to keep trusting and not let emotions take over. I am sure I will be tested in that regard many more times!

emotions

I had a great time this morning having breakfast with Al. There were a lot of great things that we pointed out but thinking on my 20 second drive back to my house :) I realized I have been letting my emotions control me these last few days. Emotions are obivously important in life and I don't want to be detached from them but once they start controling my actions then there is a problem. for instance, yesterday was a very unproductive day for me because I let my emotions about what is happening to me financially control my mood and my actions. I have an awesome opportunity to start an office here in Buffalo for a large logistics company. An awesome opportunity with a great future but I need to spend my time right now bringing in new business. That needs to be my only focus during the day for the next several months. My emotions cannot keep me from the job I know I can do successfully if I focus.

Plus I realized that Jesus is the same yesterday, today and FOREVER! Jesus does not change just because I don't feel good about something. I need to keep my emotions in check with the facts. Fact: Jesus never changes...he is always there. My emotion: God where are you...why are you not here now. Why can't I FEEL you here. reality: Jesus did not change and I am letting my emotions control me. Just as Jesus used scripture as he was being tempted I need to remind myself during the day the truths of God and his blessings. I need to remind myself of the talents and ablities he gave me and stop letting emotions control me!

I think it is funny too how I want instant results. God I want to feel better now! I think about my daughters and how I would do anything for them but there are certain things that they want that I will not let them have because it is not good for them. Kayla would love to have candy every night for dinner. I could say ok Kayla, I want you to be happy so I will let you have candy everynight. Obiviously the results of that would be horrible. I think there are many times that I ask God for candy and cry when he does not let me have what I want. But the results of me having the candy that I think is so important right now would be much more horrible than Kayla eating too much candy. I need to realize that and thank God for his blessings!

first post

first post about what is going on in my life and some of my crazy thoughts!

This was an up and down weekend...I have come face to face with some looming problems that sooner or later I know I needed to address. Mostly some financial issues that have been a nagging problem for many years. I will be happy to face these issues and resolve them once and for all.

One of the things I have realized this weekend is how much I love the family God has blessed me with! Sometimes I get so caught up in my life that I don't notice these beautiful people God has placed right in my house. When I worked out in Buffalo there were days I did not even see Kayla. And when I did get to see her I was tired, stressed out and no fun. I am thankful that I am able to see her so much more now. I even have the joy of taking her to school each day! I could never have dreamed of doing that before.

But I still complain...why can't I be thankful for the life God has given me? Why do I think I want to go back to way things were before because they were comfortable? Do I not believe that God has me in a much better situation now but I just need to roll up my sleeves and get to work. Why am I afraid of that when that is how I got to where I was before? And now I have a much, much better opportunity.

God is doing a work in me...molding, shaping me but it can be a painful process.