What are my intentions?

I just had this thought pop in my head as I was whining to God about something. I think about the question Job asked his wife: "will we only accept good from God and not bad?". I firmly believe that God is in control of every event that occurs in my life and in this universe. I know a lot of people have trouble with that because that would mean that God allows bad things to happen to good people. Yes he does. Does that make him a bad God? Almost sounds funny to say that. God's ways are so much higher than our ways and his understanding is so much higher than our understanding. Just because I don't agree with what God is doing does not make it wrong or bad. Who am I? I am nothing without the amazing, wonderful saving grace of God. He calls me friend, his son!

So I come back to my question. What are my intentions when I say I want to love God, I want to follow God, I want to give God complete control of my life? Am I saying this with the hidden clause of "only if it means that God will bless me". Or can I totally and completely say that I give him everything regardless of what God allows to happen in my life? I don't think I am there yet...I want to be. But deep down inside I know there is a part of me that only wants good things from God and that is the part that keeps rearing it's ugly head.

So what do I do? I need real change in my life and total surrender, constant surrender. I cannot do it on my own. I think the amazing part is that God does not want us to do it on our own. As he puts us through the fire he is there all of the time. I have prayed for years that my pride would be broken. Well, I am going through the process of having that pride broken. Can I allow God to continue that work in my life regardless of what I expect out of it? Pastor Ron talked about surrender last Sunday. Raising your hands in surrender means you cannot hold onto anything and you are in a vulnerable position. I still have a long ways to go to fully understand that.

Boldly I approach your throne

I have been reading Exodus the last few days in the chronological Bible. A lot of thoughts jumped out at me this morning like how quickly the Israelites forgot what God had done for them. Paster Jeff pointed that out last weekend at the Men's breakfast. Three days after God showed his power by parting the sea and then destroying their enemies they started to complain and wanted to go back. As I shake my head in disbelief I do wonder if I would have lasted 3 days. Often times God does something wonderful in my life and then a few hours later I am complaining again.

I also have to point out that I was surprised that Moses was 80 years old when God appeared to him in the burning bush. That means for probably around 60 years or so all Moses did was tend his father in law's sheep in the desert. Talk about a guy who had every opportunity to be successful in the world's eye. But instead he spends the majority of his life alone tending someone else's sheep. I think God had Moses at the point where he had no pride or thinking he was something important. Funny how patient God is with us. I think most of us would have written an 80 year old shepherd off and had not picked him to lead millions of people out of Egypt. But God has a way of doing things that do not make sense to us. Can I remember that in my life??

But what I really to point out this morning was in Ex 19:9-25. God explains to Moses that he is going to descend down for the people to hear him and approach him. God requires all of them to consecrate themselves and prepare to meet God. Then in verse 24 God says "...In the meantime, do not let the priests or the people break through to approach the Lord, or he will break out and destroy them.".

The word approach really jumped out at me because in the new testament God tells us to "boldly approach the throne of Grace..". Made me think of how easily I can approach God now. But do I lose the sense of wonder and awe each time I come to him? I want to realize today that at any moment I can be in the throne room of God! If I really took the time to "look around" and realize where I am would I be struck with how awesome he is? Or do I just treat him like someone I give a few minutes to while I get on to more "important" things? Let me be struck by awe and wonder today as I approach a God gracious enough to not only let me be in his presence but I can call him friend...and Daddy!!

Has there ever not been a Spring?

As far I know in the history of the modern world every year winter eventually ends and we have Spring and Summer. There have been some horrible winters..bizzard of 77, the ice storm, the year we had 2 ft of snow in one day and I was stuck in my office overnight in Buffalo. But every year Spring comes and soon we are enjoying the sun and fun of Summer.

I believe I am in a "winter" in my life as well. I have had the wind and snow blow hard against me in many ways the last few months. Almost to the point where I could hardly stand it anymore. I do hold to the truth that Spring usually is right around the corner but I am almost to the point where I am surrending to this "winter" and saying that when Christ is the center of my life it does not matter where I am. I will remain firm on his solid foundation. I'm not there yet but that is where i want to be....