Begins with what? A step.
I need a few steps in my life to begin moving forward and growing in Christ. I am commiting to spending more time putting my thoughts, frustrations, lows, and an occasional high in this blog as often as I can. I know a few of you get this blog from me. I hope you keep me in your prayers and keep me accountable. I am expecting great things from God as I grow closer to him. What is different now is that I am not trying to get close to God to obain anything else but him.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Monday, August 3, 2009
Blessed it be your name Oh God!
God is so good. I choose to bless his name whatever the circumstance...whatever the pain or joy. He gives and takes away but my heart will choose to say...BLESSED IT BE YOUR NAME GOD!
Read these lyrics....
Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name
Read these lyrics....
Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name
Friday, July 24, 2009
What is the meaning...?
I was reading Ecclesiastes this morning and for the first time in awhile I was really struck with how empty life is without God. It is downright miserable to exist in this world without a relationship with God. How does anything make sense? We are born, live a few years, then die. What is the purpose of it all unless there was a God who has a plan for each of our short lives.
Looking at it from that perspective it changes your thinking a little bit. Is my main goal in life to obtain a certain status, a position, money, things, etc? Or can I give God every second of my life and wherever he sends me and whatever he provides will be more than enough to satify?
During VBS this year one of the songs was called "Faith". The chorus goes "Faith to see beyond what I can see, Faith to know that you will do great things. I will trust you Lord I'll always believe..." That is what I want...Faith to see beyond what I can see in front of me. God has so much more for us than just filling our bank accounts and building big homes. I want to be smack in the middle of God's plan regardless of what everyone around me thinks.
Looking at it from that perspective it changes your thinking a little bit. Is my main goal in life to obtain a certain status, a position, money, things, etc? Or can I give God every second of my life and wherever he sends me and whatever he provides will be more than enough to satify?
During VBS this year one of the songs was called "Faith". The chorus goes "Faith to see beyond what I can see, Faith to know that you will do great things. I will trust you Lord I'll always believe..." That is what I want...Faith to see beyond what I can see in front of me. God has so much more for us than just filling our bank accounts and building big homes. I want to be smack in the middle of God's plan regardless of what everyone around me thinks.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
The Desert Song
I woke up this morning with these words in my head:
All of my life in every season
You are still God I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship!
These words are the chorus to a Hillsong United song called "Desert Song".
2009 has been a year of valleys in my life. I have been in and out of the valley more this year than any year I can remember. However, I am realizing that God is burning so much junk off of my life throughout this process and even as I complain. Of course fire never feels good so I know it is going to hurt. But my desire is to be what God wants me to be. Not what I want to be or what I see others have...but I want to be right in the palm of his hand.
As I was sitting with Paige this morning I looked at her and I was just filled with love for her. I thought to myself...God do you love me this much? And one word came to mind...MORE. I love you more than you will ever understand or comprehend. Do I believe that? Can I fall totally into his arms and trust him completely everyday with my life? Can I stop trying to figure things out and listen to God and follow him?
Can I sing at the top of my lungs in the valley with eyes closed tight and hands raised in surrender..."All of my life in EVERY season YOU are still GOD I have a reason to sing...I HAVE A REASON TO WORSHIP!!!!"
Friday, April 24, 2009
The One that got away....
I arrived at my office this morning a little down. As I put my briefcase down and pulled out my laptop I had these words come to mind..."I have decided, I have resolved to wait upon the Lord...". This the opening verse to the song "You'll Come" by Hillsong United. I had not listened to this song in awhile but those words were what I needed to hear. Funny how God works sometimes...
I had been working on a new account for several days this week. This is a decent sized account and would have been great for my office. Bringing in this account consumed me this week...so I guess you know how the rest of the story goes. After clearly seeing how much money we would save this company, they decided to stay with their current carrier at this point. Not totally dead but on the back burner now.
Of course this hit me like a 2x4 square in the face. To make it worse, this is the 5th time this has happened to me this year. I pitch these great companies and really start to move forward with them. Then in the last second they decide not to use us. It would have been huge if any one of these accounts would have become a customer.
However, as I complain about these ones that get away I lose site of the fact that God blessed me with the best week I have ever had with my company. I am already beating last month's numbers with a week still left in this month. I was also told that a good chunk of business is ours from a new account I on working on. So I sort of feel like some people I read about who complained about God's provision for them everyday in the form of manna.
Can I resolve today to wait upon the Lord? I think of another song by Chris Tomlin that says "I will wait for you to Move...for your mighty hand to save. When the trouble waters rise, you are my hiding place." I just read yesterday the verse that says a thousand years are like a day to God. Do I believe that?
I resolve today that I want nothing more than to be smack in the middle of God's will for my life no matter what that may be... I am not going going to cry about the one that got away. I only want every moment of this day to be for his glory.
I had been working on a new account for several days this week. This is a decent sized account and would have been great for my office. Bringing in this account consumed me this week...so I guess you know how the rest of the story goes. After clearly seeing how much money we would save this company, they decided to stay with their current carrier at this point. Not totally dead but on the back burner now.
Of course this hit me like a 2x4 square in the face. To make it worse, this is the 5th time this has happened to me this year. I pitch these great companies and really start to move forward with them. Then in the last second they decide not to use us. It would have been huge if any one of these accounts would have become a customer.
However, as I complain about these ones that get away I lose site of the fact that God blessed me with the best week I have ever had with my company. I am already beating last month's numbers with a week still left in this month. I was also told that a good chunk of business is ours from a new account I on working on. So I sort of feel like some people I read about who complained about God's provision for them everyday in the form of manna.
Can I resolve today to wait upon the Lord? I think of another song by Chris Tomlin that says "I will wait for you to Move...for your mighty hand to save. When the trouble waters rise, you are my hiding place." I just read yesterday the verse that says a thousand years are like a day to God. Do I believe that?
I resolve today that I want nothing more than to be smack in the middle of God's will for my life no matter what that may be... I am not going going to cry about the one that got away. I only want every moment of this day to be for his glory.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
There is a war within
There is a war within me that has been ragging for many, many years. Basically there are 2 sides of me. One side is the spiritual side that is deeply sensitive to God's leading and wanting only to please him. The other side is the side that stares me in the face almost everyday. The side of wanting to be successful in the world's eyes and not wanting to do anything that would not make sense to worldly influences. This has been a struggle for me since my early childhood.
I have never shared this story with anyone before...in fact I often wonder what really happened. I think I was 10 years old? Maybe a little older... I am not sure of all of the details but I remember I was mad about something and ended up running into the pine forest behind my parent's house. It was a sunny day in the summer and I looked up into the sky with the sun shinning bright on me and with tears in my eyes I "heard" this clearly "I want you in full time christian work". I did not know really what that meant and being so young I just thought I would figure it out as I got older.
Then as I finished high school I was heavly influenced by worldly thoughts of success and money. I went to college wanting to become successful and I achieved a lot of goals almost immediately. At the end of my Freshman year God grabbed a hold of my heart and life and I completely surrendered to him.
However, now a lot of confusion set in for me. I had things mapped out before...I was busy...I was focused on my goals for success. Now I was not sure what I was supposed to do. So I spent the next 3 years of college confused about where God wanted me. I developed some bad habits and some undisciplined behavior because I was not sure what the goal was anymore. I slept in a lot...skipped classes a lot...etc, etc.
When I graduated from Houghton College I found myself even more confused. I toyed with seminary and decided not to do that at the time. I began working for Young Life as a part time leader and watched God bless that ministry. I was a step away from taking a full time position but the "worldly" side of me kept questioning how much money would I make? I remember specifically asking myself in the car once...how would I respond to having to fund raise from people that are far more "successful" than me. I ended up resigning from Young Life.
Since then I decided to dive into my success driven goals. I tried several times to start a company with a partner and each time it flopped. In fact I lost over $6,000 from the latest attempt early last year. That was part of the reason for my financial collapse that I am still dealing with.
So what does all of this mean? I am not totally sure. I do know that I am trying to be more sensitive to God's presence in my life on a daily, hourly basis. I have not done a great job of that lately and I am getting frustrated with myself. I am so easily distracted and so undisciplined at times. I really want each day...each moment to count for God but I am still so caught up in "worldly" goals. I want to have the faith of Abraham to just follow God even though he didn't know where they were going. Could I do that? Could I have the same faith that he had when he put his only son on the alter to kill the only thing that made sense him just because God told him to?
I have never shared this story with anyone before...in fact I often wonder what really happened. I think I was 10 years old? Maybe a little older... I am not sure of all of the details but I remember I was mad about something and ended up running into the pine forest behind my parent's house. It was a sunny day in the summer and I looked up into the sky with the sun shinning bright on me and with tears in my eyes I "heard" this clearly "I want you in full time christian work". I did not know really what that meant and being so young I just thought I would figure it out as I got older.
Then as I finished high school I was heavly influenced by worldly thoughts of success and money. I went to college wanting to become successful and I achieved a lot of goals almost immediately. At the end of my Freshman year God grabbed a hold of my heart and life and I completely surrendered to him.
However, now a lot of confusion set in for me. I had things mapped out before...I was busy...I was focused on my goals for success. Now I was not sure what I was supposed to do. So I spent the next 3 years of college confused about where God wanted me. I developed some bad habits and some undisciplined behavior because I was not sure what the goal was anymore. I slept in a lot...skipped classes a lot...etc, etc.
When I graduated from Houghton College I found myself even more confused. I toyed with seminary and decided not to do that at the time. I began working for Young Life as a part time leader and watched God bless that ministry. I was a step away from taking a full time position but the "worldly" side of me kept questioning how much money would I make? I remember specifically asking myself in the car once...how would I respond to having to fund raise from people that are far more "successful" than me. I ended up resigning from Young Life.
Since then I decided to dive into my success driven goals. I tried several times to start a company with a partner and each time it flopped. In fact I lost over $6,000 from the latest attempt early last year. That was part of the reason for my financial collapse that I am still dealing with.
So what does all of this mean? I am not totally sure. I do know that I am trying to be more sensitive to God's presence in my life on a daily, hourly basis. I have not done a great job of that lately and I am getting frustrated with myself. I am so easily distracted and so undisciplined at times. I really want each day...each moment to count for God but I am still so caught up in "worldly" goals. I want to have the faith of Abraham to just follow God even though he didn't know where they were going. Could I do that? Could I have the same faith that he had when he put his only son on the alter to kill the only thing that made sense him just because God told him to?
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Some thoughts
Well, I have been waiting for a chance to spend a few minutes to put my thoughts down. It has been a busy couple of days including a day trip to Boston, MA yesterday. Which brings up one of my first thoughts....
As my plane was speeding down the Buffalo airport runway early yesterday morning it was so windy that I actually felt turbulence before we even took off. I remember the plane rocking back and forth as we picked up speed to take off. Then as the plane was pointed up cutting into the sky it was rocking back and forth very hard because of the strong winds. Of course my mind is thinking that we are probably right over the spot in Clarence where flight 3047 went down and I wondered for a brief moment if we were going to be the next flight down.
Then, almost as clear as a bell I had this thought...I cannot do anything at this moment to control this plane. I need to sit here and trust the pilots... I was glad it was early and dark out because at that moment tears filled my eyes as the thought came to mind...this is my life. I gave God control of everything and though at time it feels like I am going to fall out of the sky He knows more about this "plane" than I ever will. I need to sit back and trust him.
So later on after a productive day I was having dinner in downtown Boston with my bosses. I love having seafood whenever I am in Boston so they took me to one of the best Seafood restaurants in Boston. I had a great time with the 2 owners of my office...almost too good. I wondered what kind of witness I was for Christ as I laughed at some of their "off color" jokes, had a glass (or 2) of wine and took no opportunity to share any of my faith. Was I wrong? I wondered on the way home. They know I am "different" and "religious" but beyond that am I just like them? Was that the time to be a "stick in the mud"? Since my bosses spent almost $300 on dinner for the 3 of us was it wrong for me to be just "one of the guys" last night?
I thought about that for part of the plane ride home. Of course I spent most of the flight talking to the guy next to me! But I spent most of the drive home from the airport at 11 PM thinking about that. They know I have integrity. They trust me with a credit card that I use for my expenses and I do not take advantage of that. All of my dealing with customers and even competitors has been honorable for the last 4 months and God has blessed that. I work on my own out here in Buffalo and I am always in my office or on the road first thing in the morning and I work all day even though there is no boss watching the clock. And they know that too.
Is watching my life and the way I am running their office in Buffalo enough right now?? I remember people at my former company asking me if I was religious. Of course I would say yes and ask them why they thought that. They would say..well you just act like a religious person. I think actions speak louder than words but is that enough?? When is it right to speak up?
In Pastor Jeff's Sunday school class we are reading and digging into II Peter. We are supposed to ask some questions about the book and take one of those questions and really dig into it. Since Peter brought up the life of Lot and how he lived with the wicked men in Sodom and Gomorrah the question that popped into my mind was "how did Lot stay righteous in such a wicked city?" or better yet "how come none of the people were changed by his life?" Peter said Lot was a righteous man...why didn't his life change others around him?? Something I will be digging into soon.
Just some thoughts going around in my tired mind right now...
As my plane was speeding down the Buffalo airport runway early yesterday morning it was so windy that I actually felt turbulence before we even took off. I remember the plane rocking back and forth as we picked up speed to take off. Then as the plane was pointed up cutting into the sky it was rocking back and forth very hard because of the strong winds. Of course my mind is thinking that we are probably right over the spot in Clarence where flight 3047 went down and I wondered for a brief moment if we were going to be the next flight down.
Then, almost as clear as a bell I had this thought...I cannot do anything at this moment to control this plane. I need to sit here and trust the pilots... I was glad it was early and dark out because at that moment tears filled my eyes as the thought came to mind...this is my life. I gave God control of everything and though at time it feels like I am going to fall out of the sky He knows more about this "plane" than I ever will. I need to sit back and trust him.
So later on after a productive day I was having dinner in downtown Boston with my bosses. I love having seafood whenever I am in Boston so they took me to one of the best Seafood restaurants in Boston. I had a great time with the 2 owners of my office...almost too good. I wondered what kind of witness I was for Christ as I laughed at some of their "off color" jokes, had a glass (or 2) of wine and took no opportunity to share any of my faith. Was I wrong? I wondered on the way home. They know I am "different" and "religious" but beyond that am I just like them? Was that the time to be a "stick in the mud"? Since my bosses spent almost $300 on dinner for the 3 of us was it wrong for me to be just "one of the guys" last night?
I thought about that for part of the plane ride home. Of course I spent most of the flight talking to the guy next to me! But I spent most of the drive home from the airport at 11 PM thinking about that. They know I have integrity. They trust me with a credit card that I use for my expenses and I do not take advantage of that. All of my dealing with customers and even competitors has been honorable for the last 4 months and God has blessed that. I work on my own out here in Buffalo and I am always in my office or on the road first thing in the morning and I work all day even though there is no boss watching the clock. And they know that too.
Is watching my life and the way I am running their office in Buffalo enough right now?? I remember people at my former company asking me if I was religious. Of course I would say yes and ask them why they thought that. They would say..well you just act like a religious person. I think actions speak louder than words but is that enough?? When is it right to speak up?
In Pastor Jeff's Sunday school class we are reading and digging into II Peter. We are supposed to ask some questions about the book and take one of those questions and really dig into it. Since Peter brought up the life of Lot and how he lived with the wicked men in Sodom and Gomorrah the question that popped into my mind was "how did Lot stay righteous in such a wicked city?" or better yet "how come none of the people were changed by his life?" Peter said Lot was a righteous man...why didn't his life change others around him?? Something I will be digging into soon.
Just some thoughts going around in my tired mind right now...
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